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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, she, labels herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?